Welcome ladies and gentleman to the main event of the week! In the category of Culinary Boxing here at Chef’s Mandala, we have weighing in at 15 oz from Peru, please welcome Phaseolus Vulgaris! His opponent, weighing in at 8 lbs from the Sea of Japan, please welcome Blowfish!
LET’S GET READY TO RRRRR…….HAVE A SPIRITED DEBATE ON FOOD!!!
In the Red Corner – Phaseolus Vulgaris (Kidney Beans!)
8,000 years ago kidney beans were initially introduced to the rest of the world by Indian traders. Nicknamed the “common” bean, this pulse packs a punch when it comes to vitamins and fiber. And when combined with rice (another Peruvian staple which is also easy to dry and transport), provide all the essential amino acids. But don’t be fooled by this pulse’s placid demeanor. Kidney beans have the highest concentration of kidney bean lectin, a dangerous toxin. When well-cooked this toxin is rendered inert. But don’t fool around when heating them up, just 4 or 5 of these tiny, red beans can induce nausea and vomiting.
In the Blue Corner – BLOWFISH
Think of the puffer fish as the cute, spiky My Little Pony of the Sea, just with one of the deadliest poisons known to man. Black widows may have a lethal reputation, but with the blowfish even its’ ovaries are highly poisonous! Served in restaurants throughout Japan at several hundred dollars a plate, this fish is not be as prevalent as kidney beans. But just one of them can literally wipe out an entire rugby match (both teams at the same time)!
- The Play-By-Play
And there goes the bell! Blowfish takes a deep breath and launches itself at its’ vulgar opponent. You have to admire the pluck of Kidney Beans here. Blowfish’s killer instinct murders at least a handful of thrill-seeking Epicureans each year. Wait, what’s this, Kidney beans seem to be generating a lot of bubbles over there making it difficult for Blowfish to lay a glove on him. Ah, the classic Billy Ray Valentine “Farting in the Hot Tub” defense!
AND THE WINNER IS….
Blowfish! Kidney Beans throw in the towel well into the first round ladies and gentleman. Few poisons on earth rival the puffer fish’s nerve toxin! Looking good Fugu san while the challenger Kidney Beans might not be feeling so good (after such a brutal knock-out).