Welcome ladies and gentleman to the main event of the week! In the category of Culinary Boxing here at Chef’s Mandala, we have weighing in at 14 ounces from Italy, please welcome White Bread! His opponent, weighing in 8 ounces from Egypt, please welcome Multi-Grain Bread!
LET’S GET READY TO RRRRR…….HAVE A SPIRITED DEBATE ON FOOD!!!
In the Red Corner – WHITE BREAD
In the land of the free and home of the brave, white bread with his lieutenants Peanut Butter and Jelly has reigned supreme! While the kernel of a wheat berry is made up of 3 different parts (bran for fiber, germ for nutrients, and endosperm for starch), white bread is only made from the endosperm. That’s right, our champ is a huge hit with the ladies who don’t know what endosperm means and are looking to conceive! Behind white bread’s shallow facade lies, well, not much in terms of nutrients, flavor or texture. While some bookies have placed separate bets on the fighter known as “wheat bread”, it turns out that is our champ as well, just with a slight tan! Both wheat and white bread are made from refined white flour and the difference between the two is minimal.
In the Blue Corner – MULTI-GRAIN BREAD
Today’s challenger has a healthy reputation and hasn’t tested positive for any Culinary Boxing controlled substances. However there have been some scandals that multi-grain just couldn’t shake. While it sounds like a healthy option, many versions are made from refined grains stripped of their germ and bran. This lack of nutrition and fiber has lead to accusations that multi-grain is all show like the current champ. Whole grain bread is made up of (whole) kernels that are fully intact. These yield all the health benefits normally associated with multi brain bread! Our challenger claims that his use of bleach is just to give him a cool surfer look. But purists insists that if you’re not 100% whole wheat, you’re not the real deal!
FIGHT!!!
- The Play-By-Play
Both our fighters approach the referee for their instructions. “Gentlemen, you’ve each been given detailed instructions in the dressing room. This fight is for the Heavy Weight World Championship that everyone but celiacs have been waiting for! I want you to keep this fight clean at all times, show good sportsmanship and protect yourself. Let’s keep this fight professional, yes, I’m looking especially at you White Bread!” With that, the fighters touch gloves, the bell rings, and there they go! Wait, suddenly white bread stumbles back from a jab, falling into the ropes in his corner. He’s bending down, no, wait, he’s actually grabbing a metal fold up chair and he smacks multi-grain right across the jaw!
AND THE WINNER IS….
Neither, both fighters are disqualified. If you’re looking for a real health matchup, look for breads made from whole grains as opposed to refined flour.
