Welcome ladies and gentleman to the main event of the week! In the welterweight cutting board division of Culinary Boxing here at Chef’s Mandala, weighing in at 53 pounds 7 oz from the jungles of southeast Asia, please welcome Bamboo! His opponent, weighing in at 20,000 lbs from North America, please welcome all other hard woods!
LET’S GET READY TO RRRRR…….HAVE A SPIRITED DEBATE ON FOOD!!!
In the Red Corner – Bamboo
Coming to us from the steaming jungles of southeast Asia is Bamboo! This good looking dreamboat from out East has been long respected with professional chefs, and has a bit of a reputation as a ladies man (being so low maintenance and yet dependable). Bamboo cutting boards have finally come into the spotlight on the international stage. While repeated blows to the head haven’t done much for Bamboo’s academic career, he was already as dense as they come anyway. While not as naturally microbial as his competitor, give Bamboo a good wipe-down and he’ll keep coming back for more!
In the Blue Corner – Wood
From the land that gave us Paul Bunyan and John “Steel-driving man” Henry come a variety of hardwood trees, maple being the most popular of the bunch. The current world champion of the welterweight cutting board division, glass and plastic were no match for good old-fashioned wood! Neither of those guys were anti-microbial, with wood consistently kicking both their asses in salmonella and listeria trials. Unlike plastic, wood absorbs water, depriving these dangerous bacteria of the moisture that they need to survive. And for those of you tired of sharpening your fancy-pants knives all the time, wood doesn’t dull your blade as fast as denser woods (looking at you bamboo).
FIGHT!!!
- The Play-By-Play
Wait, what, the referee has stopped the fight just as both boxers were coming out of there respective corners. Something is going on at the judges stand, the crowd is grumbling louder and louder ….
AND THE WINNER IS….
What, I can’t believe it, Bamboo has been disqualified! Yes ladies and gentlemen and anyone in between, another doping scandal at a Chef’s Mandala’s Culinary Boxing match! Not since the Tour de France has a sport had so much chicanery. It turns out that our bamboo cutting board was not a single piece of wood but made using lamination. This involves gluing multiple layers of material together to form a single larger piece. However formaldehyde (the steroid of the cutting board world) was used in bamboo’s case! This chemical can gradually escape over time as a gas, or seep into your food as you cut on it. Wood cutting boards are the winner for this match, but if Bamboo hadn’t been drugged up who knows how this match would’ve gone!
