Welcome ladies and gentleman to the main event of the week! In the category of Culinary Boxing here at Chef’s Mandala, we have weighing in at 120 pounds from most married couples, please welcome Wife’s eye-roll! Her opponent, weighing in at a lot more from a few feet away, please welcome Husband’s shrug!
LET’S GET READY TO RRRRR…….HAVE A SPIRITED DEBATE ON FOOD!!!
In the Red Corner – WIFE’S EYE-ROLL
If you think X rated is hot, it pales in comparison to double XX rated (chromosome) aka women! After thousands of years, ladies have mastered the art of non-verbal communication. They’ve rendered their opponents both speechless and at a loss in every sense of the word. When it is the husband’s time to cook, this critique can be the most devastating blow a wife can land. Our match is brought to you by today’s sponsor – Marriage. “Marriage, an institution that you and divorce lawyers can rely on. When you’re looking to put 50% of your assets at risk and roulette doesn’t have enough emotional turmoil – turn to us – Marriage. ” Note – Side effects can include blissful euphoria followed by crushing depression, increasingly tense verbal discourse or a much longer life expectancy with a partner you can rely on. See if your dog picks you up when your car breaks down!
In the Blue Corner – HUSBAND’S SHRUG
Body language from the more fragile XY chromosome mix is the challenger in today’s fight! Science has shown that the days of the Y chromosome might be numbered. And in response to thousands of years of gender bouts, by far the number one fighting style to challenge Wife’s eye-roll has been “Husband’s Shrug”. Unlike more esoteric martial moves like “Needle at Sea bottom”, “Crouching Tiger” or “I thought you already took out the garbage”, today’s challenger has a strong record of technical knock-outs and draws. True, his secret family chili recipe might come out of a can. But how was he to know that you saw him try to hide using the can opener?
- The Play-By-Play
Eye-roll after eye-roll follows shrug after shrug as the champ and challenger go at it! Unfortunately for the champ, the judges can’t see Wife’s eye-roll technique when she’s facing the wrong way. But Husband’s shrug is always clearly visible no matter where in the ring he’s facing. Uh oh, it looks like the judges are racking up the points…
AND THE WINNER IS….
Husband’s shrug wins on points in this match. But what is the difference between victory and defeat when the champ’s win is followed by such a devastating toll back home? The Cold War that follows is almost tantamount to defeat!