Welcome ladies and gentleman to the main event of the week! In the category of Culinary Boxing here at Chef’s Mandala, we have weighing in at 8.8 oz from beautiful Mexico, please welcome Salsa! His opponent, weighing in at 14 oz from China, please welcome Ketchup!
LET’S GET READY TO RRRRR…….HAVE A SPIRITED DEBATE ON FOOD!!!
In the Red Corner – SALSA
Don’t let the fact that the Latin Americans named a sexy dance after this sauce fool you, salsa is as bloodthirsty as they come. In between cutting the beating hearts out of living sacrifices to the god Huitzilopochtli, the Aztecs enjoyed this refreshing dish. Spanish explorers first encountered the fruit known as “tomato” in the early 1500s. Aztec nobles used to spice this recipe up with chili peppers. Before smallpox wiped this civilization from the face of the earth, salsa was a common item in farmers markets throughout the Empire. Rumor has it that after each human sacrifice, the bodies were baked with corn and served among the temple priests. And what sauce do you think they paired with this?
In the Blue Corner – KETCHUP
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, while the immigrant culture of the United States has embraced this condiment, ketchup will never forget its hometown roots in China. Over 2,000 years old, this recipe has evolved over time shedding vestigial ingredients like seafood, nuts and eggs. Distantly related to other sauces like Mulch Acejeot, today ketchup has cut all that extra fat and is in the best shape of his life! Rumors about the champ’s sweet American lifestyle putting him at risk for diabetes are just unfounded slander. Controversy has long trailed this fighter, going back to his time in Europe when for 200 years everyone called tomatoes “poison apples“.
- The Play-By-Play
Both fighters come out of their respective corners looking for blood. Salsa throws punch after punch, but ketchup just slowly oozes out of the way. Salsa suddenly starts pounding ketchup on the top of the head with a hammer fist blow rarely seen outside of kung fu movies. This finally shakes ketchup loose from his sluggish defense. Only to step into a beautiful right hook thrown by the challenger!
AND THE WINNER IS….
Salsa! For the last 20 years this refreshing recipe has actually been outselling ketchup as the condiment of choice for North American hamburgers and hot dogs!