In Which I Get A Growth Hacking Crash Course
The next day at 6:30 a.m. I’m getting a cup of coffee on my way out of the hotel lobby. Raw cane sugar and honey sticks are available. But the milk is only 2% or half and half. What greater sin could there be in the City of Angels then fatty fat fat dairy (sigh).
Grabbing my decaf, I’m surrounded by pools of H2O. They are refilled with continuous, humble burps. The exit is an arch of shooting water. Apparently leaving the Westin requires passing under the pissing contest of two invisible giants.
Departing the hotel, I cross the street and climb up a flight of stairs to a parking garage. A passerby directs me to its’ elevator. After a whole bunch of floors I get off at the roof. Only I’m still at street level. Imagine how much weirder L.A. must be with drugs.
I walk between twenty and thirty story buildings, older brick amidst newer marble showing the city’s age. At Pershing Square an orange metro bus #78, headlights flashing, resumes its’ journey to South Arcadia. City workers hose down park pavement into a hard, red clay. Homeless people are tanner and smaller here. One tiny Asian woman has medical gauze taped over one eye. A frisky pirate, she nudges over a box of lettuce being delivered. I walk by a fitness studio called “Hot Box”. It has an Arabic logo, and a sign offering infra-red sessions. Exercise and steak now have so much more in common.
I finally arrive at the Belasco theater. It is next door to a Mayan nightclub. What the hell is a Mayan night club? I’d love to hear how they sell customers on their Happy Hour offerings to the gods.
The 7:00 am check-in is having some technical difficulties so I wait out front. A velvet rope and large bouncer bar the entrance. While the muscle guards against any slide rule or protractor stabbings, a young lady apologizes for the delay. The venue and crowd lend the event a college vibe.
So, what is Growth Hacking (G.H.) anyway?
Like all sudden success stories, it’s been ten years in the making. Sean Ellis coined the term on social media and the concept grew. G.H. is a new form of marketing that uses constant experimentation to improve a product or service. Silicon Valley gurus swear that it’s more effective than the norm of paying for ads (or in my industry buying food critics media dinners).
As I enter I’m given a copy of a new growth hacking book and a lanyard with my name on it. It doesn’t say “Facebook” or “Google” so it could just as well say “Not Important” in this industry. The average age here is mid-twenties. Lots of t-shirts, jeans and plaid flannel surround me. My age draws a few looks. Luckily, I chose not to pull up in the panel van and hand out candy, so I’m good.
There is a small breakfast area open. Grabbing a quick bite, I meet a Finish game designer named Giorgio. He’s a brisk looking young man. But when Giorgio finds out that I have absolutely no networking value, shows impeccable manners and chats with me for a few more minutes. A French